


The Promise

by Flames101



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-03 00:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2830748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flames101/pseuds/Flames101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emily always knew it was a possibility, that one of her friends could be hurt badly in the line of duty. But she never thought it would be him. There's so many things she's left unsaid between them, so many things that needed saying. And a promise she made to him and intended to keep. Written for the 2014 X-mas Gift Exchange for RatherBeAWriter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**  Hey all! This little fic was written for this year's Christmas Gift Fic Exchange. My story is for  **RatherBeAWriter**. And the assignment was for either Emily/Morgan or JJ/Hotch. I've chosen to focus on Emily/Morgan (though, there will probably be hints of JJ/Hotch in there. Who am I kidding, right? Lol). My prompts were "Christmas Lights" by Coldplay, carol singers, Christmas tree ornament, and an ugly Christmas sweater. This will start off angst-y, but should have a happy ending (it's a Christmas Fic, for goodness's sake. Lol.). Hope you all enjoy! And I hope you like, RatherBeAWriter. Merry Christmas!

 **Disclaimer:**  I do not own Criminal Minds or the song Christmas Lights by Coldplay.

**Chapter 1:**

* * *

Emily Prentiss whipped open the doors to Providence Hospital, not caring that the elderly couple she'd just passed were right behind her, and that she probably should have taken a moment to hold the door open for them. She was in a hurry. Never mind that she was completely exhausted from the three hour flight she'd taken from London to Washington D.C.  _after_  being woken up in the middle of the night.

She rushed through the main floor, looking for the elevators. It was so busy and for a second she wondered why everyone wasn't at home in bed, it was nighttime, wasn't it?

 _No, it's not, Emily,_  she thought to herself.  _They're working. Just like you should be. Except…_

She stopped thinking, not wanting to deliberate on the details of what had brought her to the capital, not yet, at least.

Spinning on spot, she searched for the elusive elevators. She was on the verge of tears as she ran a shaky hand through her hair. She was about to burst into uncontrollable sobs, she could feel it, if she didn't find those damned elevators.

"Can I help you, dear?"

Gasping in surprise and stifling a sob, she looked down at a considerably shorter than her, older woman, dressed in a pair of scrubs. The African-American woman was giving her a soft smile.

"Dear?" the woman reiterated.

Her hospital ID named her Amarie. "Uh…" She tore her gaze from it. "Elevators?"

Amarie gave her a sympathetic smile, taking her by the arm, leading her. Emily was grateful to the woman for not asking her any other questions. She didn't think she could handle talking about why she was there.

Emily was strong, but she had a solid foundation holding her up. Tonight— _today, whatever_ — that foundation was shaken, leaving her on wobbly footing.

"Here you are," Amarie announced.

She dragged herself out of her dismal thoughts to find she was standing before a set of elevators.

"Tha—Thank you," she stuttered.

"You're welcome, dear." She smiled, giving her shoulder a pat. "Merry Christmas."

She hit the button for up, only realizing too late as Amarie was walking away that she should have replied in kind.

The elevator dinged its arrival, reclaiming her attention. She knew she was so out of it that her manners were lacking. If she saw the woman again she'd definitely rectify her blunder.

For now, she stepped into the surprisingly empty elevator and took a deep breath, trying to keep her composure.

It had been a little over three hours since she'd had an update on the situation. Therefore, she had no clue what she was currently walking into. She'd checked her phone several times since landing in D.C. Surely someone would have texted her, left her a message, something, if things had taken a turn for the worse. She relaxed momentarily with that thought. But, then it hit her: no one would leave her bad news in a text or a message.

 _Oh God!_  She tensed up all over again. And she was back to being on the verge of hyperventilating.

 _Ok, Emily, it will do no one any good to arrive on the verge of passing out. Breathe,_  she ordered herself.  _Focus on anything other than the here and now. At least until you know what's happening._

She perused her surroundings. She had the time to compose herself; her destination was the top floor and the elevator seemed to be going real slowly. There wasn't much in reading material. There  _was_  one poster advertising a new hospice facility, but she turned away from it immediately for obvious reasons.

 _Focus on…_  she tried again, searching.  _The numbers counting up… 2, 3, 4…_

But… it seemed too much like a countdown. And she did not want to know what it was counting down to.

And then she heard it.  _"Christmas lights, another fight, tears we cried, a flood…"_

The song, the words, the melody had her transported to another time, another place…

* * *

_**~ 6 months ago** _

" _When are you going to stop running?"_

_Emily whirled around to stare at the man watching her accusingly. She thought she'd left him inside Rossi's house. She thought she'd escaped._

" _What?" she asked confusedly; shaking her head, as if that would clear the haze from minutes ago._

_He opened his mouth to respond, but she walked away, going further into Rossi's 'backyard.' Unaware that she was doing exactly what he was accusing her of: running._

_But there was only so far she could go, in the direction she'd decided to go. She came to a dead-end at the gazebo. Sighing, she climbed the stairs, realizing and giving in to the fact that she was about to be cornered by Derek Morgan._

_She'd come back from London to visit her friends, specifically her best friend, the man she could hear climbing the stairs behind her. What she'd found upon her arrival was a change, or maybe not a change, a revelation, really. Derek Morgan, quite possibly, had fee—_

No, don't think it. It's not possible.

" _Emily," he started._

_She turned around and could see it in his eyes. It was on the tip of his tongue. He was about to change everything. And if there was one thing Emily wasn't very good with, it was change._

" _You're missing the party!" she blurted out, cutting him off. "Go back inside. I'm sure Rossi could use your cooking expertise. I'm sorry, but Garcia won't cut it. I know it's the Fourth of July, but Rossi won't stand for hot dogs and chips…"_

_She realized she was babbling when he frowned at her._

_Emily held out a hand to her side, plaintively, as if to say, 'what do you want from me?' Instead, she said the closest thing to what she was thinking: "I'm going back to London,_ tomorrow _, Derek."_

_Slowly, almost deliberately, he shortened the distance between them until he was right in front of her. He put his hands on her arms, reminding her of the moment she'd just fled, when she'd been caught on the upstairs landing of Rossi's home._

" _So?" he defied her._

"So! _I live thousands of miles away!" she declared._

" _And no one ever thought of a long-distance relationship before?"_

" _Re—lationship?" she choked out the word._

_He rubbed his hands over her bare arms, up and down, inciting sparks throughout her body. His features softened then. "Yeah, relationship, Emily…"_

_She pulled away from him, turning her back on the hopeful look on his face. There was no way she could look at him when she said what she said next._

" _No," she whispered. And when he took a step closer to her, she said it more loudly. "No!"_

" _No?" he questioned. She could hear the hurt in his voice._

_She turned around. "I'm sorry, I can't, Derek. I… I…" she trailed off at a loss._

" _You… can't?" He looked at her quizzically, not quite understanding. "I care about you, Emily. I thought… Tell me you don't care about me, too."_

_Her face softened. "I do, Derek, you're my best friend. Of course I care about you."_

" _Not like that!" he protested vehemently._

_She remained silent. She couldn't say the words. Couldn't make a decision either way. She really did care for him. But care for him in the way he so obviously cared for her? She had no clue._

_A little voice in the back of her head whispered,_ Stop lying to yourself…

 _Emily pushed it back into the corner._ This is Derek! _she thought fervently._ He will always be there for me.  _Always_. I don't ever want that to change!

_She just couldn't risk pursuing a relationship with him and having it fail miserably. She couldn't risk losing her best friend._

_Her decision must have shown on her face because all of the sudden Derek's features hardened in a way she never had thrown in her direction. He was angry, but, more than that, he was disappointed, and it showed._

" _Fine," he said shortly. "Come find me when you get tired of running, Em; I'll be here waiting."_

" _Der—" she started, her heart aching to make things right. But he was already turning, making a beeline for Rossi's home. And somehow she knew her apologies would not be helpful._

_What if her refusal to be open-minded to a possibility of a 'them' cost her her best friend regardless?_

_That was a scary thought. One she sat down in the gazebo to ponder._

* * *

Emily sighed. He'd been so angry with her. Derek had seen what she hadn't, long before she'd realized that living without Derek Morgan's everyday presence in her life was miserable. And when the day-to-day drag started getting to her, she still didn't set things right. Emily, she was finding out, was just as stubborn as people said she was.

Luckily, things hadn't stayed tense and awkward between them. Before she'd left for London she'd made things right with Derek or at least promised the both of them that she would.

And now… this.

Would she even get the chance to?

 _Don't think that, Em,_  she scolded herself.  _Get up there and see if it's really as bad as Garcia said it is. Surely, she exaggerated. He is, after all, her chocolate stud muffin. Pen is very protective_.

She smiled to herself. Yeah, that was it.  _He probably just has a scratch. I'm going to go in there and find him up and about, and he'll be wondering what the heck I came all the way here for. And then he'll hold you to your promise._

Emily pictured it all very clearly in her head. The happy thoughts were what got her feet moving. With each step she took, she didn't consider the possibility that it was as bad as Garcia made it out to be. And she hadn't really prepared herself for that chance.

So, when she stepped into the waiting room where Garcia said they'd all be, she wasn't ready for the tear-stained faces of her male friends or the open sobs that were wracking Garcia's body. Or how JJ, her strong friend, was being cradled in the arms of Hotch, ever so gingerly, looking pretty beat up herself.

 _Oh my God,_ was all she could think.  _It really was as bad as Garcia said._

* * *

That's it for this chapter. Hope you enjoyed! And I hope you'll let me know what you think. Thanks!

PS. I reserve the right to change the title of this fic. Lol. (As I am very bad at picking story names, especially when they are still in progress).

Also, please check out the Profiler's Choice Awards. We'd like to have your say on what are the best of the best CM fics out there. Check out the blurb below. Link in my profile.

 **The 2014 PROFILER'S CHOICE CRIMINAL MINDS FANFIC AWARDS are back! Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us in celebrating the best of the best CM stories for the annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards! Help us and let your voices be heard. Please check out the nomination ballot and rules at the**  ProfilerChoiceAwards2014 Forum **(Direct Link also in my profile). All rules and information are on the forum. Nominations begin November 15 and are due December 31st.**   **Good Luck!** **As an added bonus:** **We encourage all nominations (rules permitted). We accept ballots starting at two nominations, however, all ballots with five or more nominations will be entered into a drawing for one of three Amazon gift cards. Nominations run until 11:59EST on December 31, 2014. The final ballot will be published in early January 2015.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** And here’s chapter 2. Hope you all are having a Merry Christmas!

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds.

** Chapter 2: **

* * *

 

“Penelope,” Emily murmured. Her mouth was so dry all of the sudden, her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth. Her initial try didn’t seem to get anyone’s attention, so she tried again, this time taking a few swallows to relieve her mouth of its dryness. “Garcia?” This time it came out louder.

The normally bubbly blonde paused her sobs, only to let out a single hiccup. Garcia peered at her from behind splotchy spectacles, looking as if she didn’t recognize her. Emily didn’t blame her, the glasses were pretty fogged up.

“Emily?” she said unsurely, just before the technical analyst launched herself out of her chair and straight into Emily’s arms.

 

She caught her with an “oof”, hugging her tight. Though the circumstances were clearly not good, Emily had missed her friends terribly. Six months was way too long to go without being in their presence; phone calls and skyping just wasn’t the same either.

 

Garcia began to quietly cry into her shoulder, holding her fiercely. She tried to soothe the woman, rubbing circles into her back, as she faced the rest of her friends. Emily looked to each one.

 

Rossi, who watched her with such relief in his eyes; she wondered what he thought she could do to help a situation she didn’t fully understand. Did he think she could make everything better?

 

Reid, after spying her initially, refused to meet her eyes. Nonetheless, Emily could see that tears openly slid down his cheeks. Morgan was his closest, his _best_ friend. She knew he was blaming himself for this predicament; it was what Reid did when things got bad. He always put the blame on himself, even when he was completely faultless.

 

When her eyes landed on Hotch, he gave her a simple nod in acknowledgement, but it was his eyes that told her he was glad she was here.

 

JJ was slower to acknowledge her presence, cocooned as she was in Hotch’s embrace. She pulled back slightly from the Unit Chief. Emily was observant enough to notice how Hotch’s arm lingered around the petite blonde’s waist. There was a story there, but this wasn’t the time or place to hear it. So, she stored the revelation for later.

 

The mother of one sniffled once, twice before speaking up. “It’s my fault, Emily,” she said mournfully before she, too, rushed over for a hug.

 

Emily embraced both sobbing blondes as best as possible, all the while wondering what exactly was going on. She held them both, as she looked to any one of the three men for an explanation. Or at the very least, a clarification to what JJ said. How could she be responsible for… whatever this was? Especially when JJ, herself, looked like she could use a hospital bed of her own.

 

Eyes once again meeting her former boss’s, Hotch shook his head at her silent question. It wasn’t her fault, he was saying. So, why did she think it was?

 

This was all too much. Emily needed answers and fast. Her late night phone call from Garcia hadn’t provided her with much detail. All she’d said was that Derek had been hurt and that she needed to get over there ASAP.

 

Still, even if Garcia _had_ provided her with more information, Emily wasn’t sure that she’d have been able to hear it. The minute the words were out of her mouth _—“Emily? Oh God! You… you need to come home. Quick! Derek’s been hurt!”_ —she had zoned out. All she could think about at that moment was what if she lost him? What if she never got the chance to tell him how she really felt?

 

So, pretty much on automatic, she’d grabbed her suitcase and packed. Emily couldn’t even remember how she’d booked her ticket. She’d just done it. No hesitation. She needed to come home to Derek.

 

Overwhelmed by the sadness, literally, enveloping her, Emily guided the former media liaison back to Hotch. He gladly took her back into his arms. She led Garcia into a chair next to the young genius. Reid didn’t look up, but Emily was pleased to see him take hold of Garcia’s hand.

 

And then she turned her attention on the lone figure in the room, hoping for some answers.

 

Rossi stood up and embraced her tightly. She sunk into it; taking comfort instead of giving it. “Welcome back,” he said in a tone so sad it put tears in her eyes.

 

For the first time, since arriving in the waiting room, she felt that wave of panic from earlier threaten to overwhelm her, only Rossi’s arms kept the horrid emotion at bay.

 

After a few moments of just accepting his comfort, she spoke into his shoulder, “What happened?”

 

Emily could feel Rossi’s chest fill as he took a deep breath. He was readying himself to tell her something awful. She just knew it.

 

“Oh!” a new voice exclaimed.

  
Thinking it was a nurse or a doctor who’d arrived to give them an update, Emily pulled out of Rossi’s embrace to give the newcomer her full attention. Instead it was a woman dressed in plain clothes, not scrubs or a white coat, holding two trays of foam coffee cups, stacked on top of each other.

 

The woman was a brunette, slightly lighter than Emily’s own dark hair, and shorter than hers too. She was also a number of years younger than her. This, she concluded, must have been the new agent she’d been hearing about. The one who’d replaced Alex when she’d left to teach. _Kate Callahan,_ she thought. Now that she saw her, Emily realized she’d caught a few glimpses of her in the background when Derek had skyped her on the BAU’s slow days.

 

Emily stared at her openly, not knowing where else to look just then. Kate approached her.

 

“Hi,” the new team-member greeted; her voice was light, young-sounding. “I’m Kate Callahan.”

 

The woman stuck out a hand, the coffee doing a precarious dance in her grasp. Emily shook her it quickly. “Emily Prentiss,” she returned.

 

Kate gave her as warm a smile as she could muster, given the circumstances. “I know. I’ve heard so much about you.” Her smile turned into a frown instantaneously. “I wish we could have met under better circumstances.”

 

She wholly concurred. Sighing, she turned, so she was addressing everyone. “Will someone please tell me what these circumstances are?”

  
It was Rossi who stepped up to the plate. He put a hand to the small of her back and said, “Come on, Emily, let’s find a quiet place to talk…”

 

He accepted a coffee cup from Kate, who also handed her one and began to guide them out of the waiting room.

 

Why couldn’t he just say it here?

 

* * *

 

 

They found a quiet little alcove nearby, set back from the hustle and bustle of the busy hospital. There was a small window that overlooked the hectic streets of D.C. They stood to either side of it and Emily took a moment to stare out at the dingy looking landscape.

 

It hadn’t snowed for a couple of weeks now and any snow that remained was on the dirty side, making for a dreary looking setting. Regardless of its current un-prettiness, it was still a sight so lovely to Emily. It was home.

 

Dave leaned forward against the windowsill, languidly taking a sip of his coffee, like he had all the time in the world to sip at the medium sized cup. As if he didn’t realize that with every second that went by of not knowing what was going on, Emily was dying a little on the inside.

 

“So,” he finally spoke up. Emily let out the breath she’d been holding. _Finally!_ “How are things in London? Does it look like it’s going to be a white Christmas?”

 

Her mouth dropped open. _What?_

 

He looked at her expectantly.

 

It took her a minute to form a response. “ _No._ ”

 

Even she was surprised by how hard the one word sounded coming from her lips.

 

“No, it’s not going to be a white Christmas?” Dave asked, looking more unsure than she’d ever seen him.

 

“No,” she repeated, shaking her head. “I will not do the small talk thing. Not right now. Not with Derek God knows where, Dave! I want to know all about what’s been happening since the last time I visited. But right now I need to know what’s happened to Morgan!”

 

It wasn’t until she finished her rant that she figured out she’d been yelling. It was so quiet all of the sudden. And to make matters worse, Rossi stared at her with wide, hurt eyes.

 

Emily looked down at the floor between them contritely. “Sorry,” she murmured. She was just so frustrated.

 

“No, no, you’re right. I just wanted—“ he stopped abruptly.

 

And, all of the sudden, she realized that maybe he hadn’t been stalling. Maybe he’d been looking for one normal moment in all the chaos. After all, she’d just arrived, but Dave, and all of her friends were here all along.

 

“London is London,” she attempted to answer. “And no, there isn’t a snowfall in the forecast, just dreary drizzle. Same old, same old.”

 

He gave her a small, grateful smile, which lasted a mere second before his features turned forlorn all over again. It was back to business.

 

“So?” she prompted.

 

“Short story,” he began, sighing. “We cornered an un-sub unexpectedly. Actually, JJ did.”

 

“JJ?” That explained the former media liaison’s battered state.

 

“Nasty guy. Had a real hatred for women. And big, too. The guy got the best of JJ. Beat on her pretty bad. She’s got a broken rib and a few fractured ones, not to mention a nasty gash to her side.”

 

“Oh… God,” she murmured. It was moment’s like this that the guilt she felt for leaving the team re-emerged. If she’d stayed, maybe she could have helped. Maybe she could have prevented it or, at least, stopped it from escalating. _Maybe…_

 

He squeezed her arm. “What ifs won’t get you anywhere, Emily.” He’d read her mind.

 

She nodded, she knew. It didn’t stop her from thinking them, though.

 

“Derek got to JJ first. It’s killing Hotch that she was in that situation in the first place. But it wasn’t his fault. The home had been cleared. We had no idea the bastard had a secret room. Still, Hotch won’t let her out of his sight.”

 

So, Emily had clearly missed something important in the past six months. And, oh, how she wanted to know all about it. That would come later, though.

 

“Derek?” she urged.

 

“From what JJ told us, he tackled the un-sub off of her just in time. They fought, the un-sub got in a few nasty blows to Morgan’s head. And then, JJ had a clear shot and she took it.”

 

“The un-sub’s dead?” For some reason she did not expect that.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Ok… but what about Derek?” she asked, confused. If JJ had gotten the un-sub, why were they all in the hospital? And what was wrong with Derek?

 

“We thought…” Dave continued. “He got up after the fight. He seemed fine on the way back to Quantico. And then… he collapsed.”

 

“Collapsed?”

 

“Passed out. But we couldn’t get him to wake up. We called 911. He was rushed in for tests when we told the ER doctor’s what happened. They diagnosed him with an epidural hematoma.”

 

“An epi—what? What’s that?”

 

“As far as I can tell, it’s bleeding of the brain. The build-up of blood puts pressure on the brain and skull. It’s what caused Morgan to pass out initially.”

 

She shook her head in disbelief. “What… what can they do for him? They’ve got to be able to help him!”

 

“They’re trying. Morgan’s in surgery now. They need to remove the blood. It will relieve the pressure…”

 

“And after?” Emily needed to hear that he was going to be ok. There was no other possible, viable outcome. There couldn’t be. Derek just had to recover.

 

“They didn’t say.” He shrugged his shoulders resignedly, an out of character gesture for him.

 

“ _Oh._ ”

 

He put an arm around her shoulders. “So, now you know as much as we do. Let’s head back and see if the doctor’s been in.”

 

“All… all right.”

 

* * *

 

 

That’s it for this chapter. More angst, I know. But happy times to come, I promise (maybe not in the next chapter… lol. But soon).

 

Thanks to everyone who’s reading. And big thanks to those who reviewed: **RatherBeAWriter** _(I’m glad you’re enjoying. Merry Christmas!);_ **Guest #1** _(you’re so right! I googled it before I posted it and I got 3 hours. But then when you mentioned it, I checked again. I must have typed in the wrong places.);_ **Guest#2; Frenzy cmfan; jhplug; and Guest #3.**

 

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you’re all having a safe and happy holiday!

 

 **The 2014 PROFILER'S CHOICE CRIMINAL MINDS FANFIC AWARDS are back! Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us in celebrating the best of the best CM stories for the annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards! Help us and let your voices be heard. Please check out the nomination ballot and rules at the**[ **ProfilerChoiceAwards2014 Forum**](https://www.fanfiction.net/forum/Profilers-Choice-Awards-2014/162134/) **(Direct Link also in my profile). All rules and information are on the forum. Nominations begin November 15 and are due December 31st.** **Good Luck!** As an added bonus: **We encourage all nominations (rules permitted). We accept ballots starting at two nominations, however, all ballots with five or more nominations will be entered into a drawing for one of three Amazon gift cards. Nominations run until 11:59EST on December 31, 2014. The final ballot will be published in early January 2015.**

 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Hey all! Happy New Year! Sorry about the late update. I totally intended for this to be finished before the new year. But, it didn’t work out that way. Anyways, here’s the next chapter. Still on the angst side and more of a filler chapter, but a chapter nonetheless. Hope you enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds.

** Chapter 3: **

* * *

 

Emily’s eyes were glued to her foot as it tapped the tiled floor uncontrollably. She and Rossi had returned to the waiting room only to find the same scene she’d walked in on thirty minutes before. A quick check with Hotch confirmed their suspicions; no one had been out with an update.

So, here she was, another forty-five minutes later, waiting. God, she hated sitting around idly. Emily itched to do something, anything. But she wasn’t a doctor; the only thing that could be done is waiting and praying.

 

Emily let out a restless sigh, her booted foot taking on a new, seemingly inhuman speed.

 

The sound of a throat clearing tore her gaze from her fascinating boot. She’d hoped it was a doctor, but it was only Rossi, staring pointedly at her foot with a glare. Apparently she was getting on his nerves.

 

“Sorry,” she mumbled. Then, with great effort, she placed the sole of her boot flat on the floor.

 

Her steadiness didn’t last long, though. A mere five minutes later, she was bursting out of the plastic hospital chair. “What’s taking so long? Why hasn’t anyone been out to tell us something?”

 

Silence followed her outburst. She looked around the room, receiving a few sympathetic stares. Emily had to remind herself that they’d been here a lot longer than she had.

 

Still, she began to pace the room, she sucked at waiting.

 

“Maybe we should go get some more coffee,” Kate suggested, hesitating a moment. She eyed Emily shrewdly. “Or tea. Chamomile, I think.”

 

Emily gave the woman a small smile. She was liking this Agent Callahan already. A good sign. It was nice knowing the team was in good hands.

 

Running an errand, as meaningless as it was, would at least be doing something. She was about ready to say ‘let’s go’ when a man in scrubs walked into the room.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

The entire room stood up and huddled around the spectacled doctor. The man looked overwhelmed for a moment and took a step back.

 

“Are you all here for Derek Morgan?” he questioned.

 

“Yes,” they answered collectively.

 

He looked at them dubiously. “And you’re all family?”

 

“Yes!” they said once again.

 

Not by blood, of course, but by the only standard that should count: love. Derek’s mother and sisters, Emily was told, were on their way.

 

The man sighed, rubbing at his eyes like he had a headache. _Not a good sign,_ Emily thought. _And not very professional._

 

“My name is Dr. Hartnell, my team operated on Agent Morgan,” the doctor stated the obvious.

 

“ _And?_ ” Rossi inquired pointedly. It was obvious his patience, like all of theirs, was wearing thin, made worse by the fact that there was absolutely nothing any of them could do.

 

“He’s out of surgery.” More obviousness. “And he’s stable.”

 

“What does that mean? Stable?” Kate asked.

 

More rubbing of his eyes. Getting answers from this guy was like pulling teeth. “It means, for now, his vitals are steady… heart rate, blood pressure, it’s all within normal range.”

 

“That’s good, isn’t it, doctor?” Hotch said, his arm still around JJ’s shoulders.

 

“It is.”

 

They breathed out a collective sigh of relief. He was going to be ok. Morgan would get through this. And then Emily would never leave his side again.

 

“Our concern right now is Agent Morgan’s brain,” Dr. Hartnell said, bursting their bubble.

 

“What’s wrong with it?” JJ practically whispered.

 

He shot JJ an ‘are you dense?’ look making Emily want to slap the guy. If it weren’t for the fact that he was the one keeping Morgan alive, she so would have. Had this Dr. Hartnell never heard of bedside manner before? Because he sure needed a refresher course.

 

“His brain hemorrhaged. We caught it early, but the prognosis would be better if he’d come to the ER conscious.”

 

“What _is_ the prognosis?” Emily asked tersely.

 

“The pressure has been relieved. The bleeding has stopped. We believe he’ll wake soon. When he does, we’ll know more of the extent of brain damage.”

 

“Brain damage?” she repeated. She had to swallow down the bile that threatened to make an exit all of the sudden. Those two words were the scariest thing she’d ever heard.

 

 _Focus on the fact that Dr. Jackass says Derek’s going to wake up, Em,_ she told herself.

 

She took a deep breath, but almost choked on it.

 

“Oh… God,” Garcia whispered.

 

The hardhearted doctor’s face softened as his eyes set upon the usually perky blonde. “Like I said, _Ms…_ ” he started, a new glint in his eyes.

 

“Garcia, Penelope,” Garcia answered, staring at the man with wide eyes.

 

“Ms. Garcia, Penelope,” he said familiarly. _This guy is too much._ “We’ll know more when your friend wakes up. It could be nothing,” he added reassuringly.

 

_Oh, right, for the pretty girl he has the kind words._

 

Garcia nodded once.

 

“Would you like to see him?” Dr. Hartnell addressed only Garcia. And then he noticed she was holding Reid’s hand still. “You and your boyfriend…”

 

“Oh!” she exclaimed, blushing.

 

“We’re not together,” Reid said quickly, dropping Garcia’s hand like it was a hot potato, a blush forming on his own cheeks.

 

“Reid’s not my boyfriend, no way. We’re just friends. I don’t have a boyfriend; I had a boyfriend, but it didn’t work out—“ She stopped abruptly when she realized she was babbling. “Yes, I’d like to see him.”

 

If the situation weren’t so dire, Emily would have laughed out loud at the current scene. From the twitches on everyone else’s lips, they seemed to feel the same.

 

“Right this way, then,” Dr. Hartnell said, putting a guiding hand on Garcia’s shoulder. _Way too familiar,_ Emily thought. She’d have to give him a piece of her mind, after Derek recovered of course.

 

Garcia hesitated, turning back to eye all of them. “What about the rest of my friends?”

 

“Your not-a-boyfriend can come with you… And then the rest of you can take turns. No more than two people in the room at a time, all right?”

 

They all gave him a nod. Something told Emily that if it weren’t for Penelope they wouldn’t have been seeing Derek anytime soon…

 

“Thank you,” Garcia said gratefully, allowing herself to be guided away, Reid trailing after them.

 

Things weren’t all peachy just yet, but it felt like a bit of the weight had been lifted from her chest.

 

“Thank goodness for Penelope,” Dave commented amusedly.

 

The group nodded their agreement as they resumed their previous positions. And waited.

 

* * *

 

 

That’s it for this chapter. Short, I know. I hope to have the next one up soon.

 

Thanks to everyone who’s been reading. And thanks to my reviewers: **Guest#1; Guest#2; Frenzy cmfan; XoxMountainGirlxoX; Guest#3; rmpcmfan; and jhplug** (This story takes place right along with the current season. Emily was back for the 200th episode last season; and in my story again during the summer. So it’s been about 6 months she’s been back in DC. Good question about Savannah, I have no idea. Lol).

 

 

See you all soon!

 


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Hey guys! So sorry for the wait; this is supposed to be a Christmas Fic and it is so way past Christmas. So, I apologize. (My excuse: I, along with my fellow moderators, have been working hard on the Final Ballot for the Profiler’s Choice Awards. It’s up and ready to be voted on. Details are down below.) Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I swear it will become more Christmas-y in the following chapters.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Criminal Minds.

** Chapter 4: **

* * *

 

It was back to waiting for Emily. She sat patiently in the generic looking waiting room. Hands folded in her lap, awaiting her turn to visit with Derek. Nearby sat Garcia and Reid; both refused to go home. Each of them insisted on waiting until Morgan awoke, even though Dr. Hartnell (who was hovering around the waiting room quite a bit) hadn’t given them a timeframe for when that would happen.

 

JJ and Hotch had gone in next. And Rossi and Kate had offered to pick up Fran Morgan, her daughters, and Derek’s cousin from the airport.

 

Glancing to her right, she noted how Garcia and Reid continued to hold onto each other. It was nice that they were relying on each other for support. Not so nice for Emily that neither of them seemed up for a chat. About all they’d said after returning from Derek’s room was that the next pair could go in. That was it. Now they sat grim-faced.

 

Understandable, but the silence was beginning to grate on Emily’s nerves. She was frustrated. How was Morgan _really_ , that’s what she wanted to know.

 

“How did he look?” Her whispered words sounded more like shouts to Emily’s ears; she cringed, it was way too quiet in there.

 

Garcia recoiled, startled out of her reverie. And Reid visibly flinched.

 

 _Oops,_ Emily thought.

 

“Beat up,” Reid answered bluntly.

 

Logically, she knew that would be the case, nonetheless she gasped out her surprise.

 

“But,” Garcia hurried to say, waving her arms in front of her. “He totally looks like he’s just taking a nap.”

 

“Ok…” Emily said, letting out a long-suffering sigh. She may have stopped her fidgeting, but she was anxious as hell to get in there and lay her own eyes on Morgan. Only then would she be able to, not exactly relax, but at least breathe in a full breath.

 

With that miniscule amount of information, silence fell upon them once again. Emily was left to her thoughts, her feelings of dread and guilt. Man, she hated this. She just wanted to see him, wanted to see Morgan with his eyes wide open, wanted him to not have any permanent or lasting damage from the blows.

 

 _Wanted, wanted, wanted,_ she thought. Blowing out a breath, she began to pray. _Please, God, I know I ask for a lot more than I deserve. But Derek Morgan—he’s a good man! He’s suffered too much in his life. Please make him ok. Not for me—ok, a little for me!—but for him! And… I… I promise, I’ll volunteer in a soup kitchen once a month, and… and I’ll donate to charity or… or sponsor a child! Please!_ I _just can’t lose him._

 

She realized her selfless plea to God veered towards the selfish; but, not even God could blame her, she believed. Who could live without him? Not her, that was for sure.

 

“Emily?”

 

The loud voice jarred her out of her thoughts. She looked around, startled. JJ was at her side. The mother of one placed a comforting hand on her upper arm. “Whoa, easy there,” she said gently.

 

“You can go in if you like,” Hotch, who stood before her, informed.

 

It took her a second to comprehend what he was saying. And then she nodded dumbly.

 

“Would you like one of us to go in with you?” JJ, again.

 

Did she? No, she wanted to see him alone. And she told them so. They gave her quick directions to Morgan’s room and on shaky legs she stood.

 

Emily desperately wanted to see him. So, why did it take her a huge expenditure of energy to take that first step?

 

  1. She answered her own question. _I’m scared that with this first step things will never be the same._



 

Slowly, she made her way down the hall. She began to question her logic in going alone when on her way she had to stop and hold on to the wall for fear of falling over.

 

Still, she’d come this far. She couldn’t stop now.

 

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, but what was really a two minute walk even with all her stops, she’d arrived in front of room 1121 of the ICU. Morgan’s room.

 

The door was closed, as were all the doors on the intensive care unit. These were the most vulnerable patients who needed careful monitoring and care. They needed to rest, sure. But Emily couldn’t help wondering, what if these patients were exposed more to the sights and sounds of the life they were missing out on, wouldn’t it be added incentive to heal?

 

And… what did she know? She wasn’t a doctor or health care practitioner.

 

What she did know was that she was stalling.

 

She gulped down a deep fortifying breath as she pushed open the door. The sight before her had her instantly expelling that breath.

 

Emily had convinced herself that she’d been prepared for what she was about to see.

 

She wasn’t.

 

 _Oh God,_ she wasn’t.

 

A trembling hand went to press at her lips to stifle the shocked sobs that wanted to escape.

 

This wasn’t Derek. It couldn’t be. He wasn’t this… _lifeless._

 

“Quite a sight, isn’t he?”

 

A small woman pushed past her, dragging her attention from the man who just couldn’t be Derek Morgan.

 

Focusing on the woman, she was more than surprised to see that she recognized her. It was the same woman from earlier. Amarie. And by her next statement, it was clear she recognized Emily as well.

 

“Oh, it’s you! So, this is the poor soul you’ve come to see. Well, don’t just stand there, honey. Come in and say hello. I daresay he’s been waiting for you for quite a while.”

 

Emily looked at her sharply. She couldn’t possibly know how true that statement was. She was sure; Derek hadn’t even told their friends of his feelings. Still, Amarie returned her look with a shrewd one of her own.

 

She knew. Emily didn’t know how. But she did.

 

“Well?” Amarie raised an eyebrow at her.

 

Emily, feeling as if she’d been thoroughly scolded, rushed inside despite her initial hesitation and need to run away.

 

The older woman was right. Derek was waiting. And Emily was done running.

 

She stepped up to Morgan’s bedside and really looked at him. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the top of his head. A thick bandage was wrapped around his scalp, almost covering his eyes. It was a clear reminder of the major surgery he’d just been through. _Hopefully, a life-saving, un-altering surgery,_ Emily prayed.

 

She made herself drag her eyes from that stark white bandage down to his face. He looked sallow in color and his face was covered in a series of scrapes and bruises. His lip was split. And she was sure the damage to his lovely face wasn’t the end of it. But, underneath it all, it was still Morgan.

 

“I hear this young man is a hero,” Amarie spoke up again. She was standing at the foot of Morgan’s bed, his chart in hand. So, she was a nurse, Emily mused.

 

Writing away, she continued, “Are you family? Of course you’re family. But what I want to know is why you stayed away from a good man like this one for so long?”

 

She shot a brief look at Morgan, thinking for a moment that he’d put the woman up to this. However, his eyes were firmly shut and only God knew when he’d wake.

 

Ignoring the fact that the woman knew details that she couldn’t possibly know, and that she was so clearly overstepping boundaries, she considered her question carefully. Why had she waited so long?

 

The sound of throat clearing drew her back. Amarie was waiting.

 

Apparently, Amarie was as impatient as she was.

 

“I don’t know…” she began uncomfortably. “I thought we wanted different things…”

  
“And now? What do you think?”

 

She’d changed her mind, hadn’t she? Wasn’t that what her promise to him was all about? A change of heart?

 

* * *

 

 

_Derek carried her suitcase as he walked through the doors of the airport. Emily stood at the curb where the cab had dropped them, watching him precede her momentarily, feeling wistful._

_She chalked it up to her leaving for London shortly, but deep down she knew the real reason._

_It was only last night that Derek had revealed to her that he wanted to be with her. And true to form, she responded with what she did best. She pushed him away._

_To Derek’s credit, he didn’t seem to let that sour his mood towards her. Going back inside Rossi’s house, he’d proceeded to treat her the exact same. As if nothing had ever transpired between them. A moment forgotten. It confused the heck out of her._

Oh, come on, Emily, what’s so confusing? He’s respecting your wishes. _You_ said you couldn’t be with him… And so, he’s backing off…

Yeah, I know, _she answered herself sadly._

_She wouldn’t let herself dwell on why she was saddened by the fact that Derek_ was _backing off._

_“Emily?” Derek stood in the doorway of the airport, looking at her inquiringly._

_Shaking herself out of her thoughts, she answered, “Coming.” She moved to his side and they entered the bustling airport together._

_They walked side by side silently, only exchanging a few navigational comments: This way. Over here. Etc._

_Derek was treating her the same way he always had. But she sure didn’t feel the same._

_It was at that moment she suddenly realized that she had changed too._

_And God did it terrify her._

_“Derek!” she said urgently, stopping abruptly in the middle of the wide corridor. She dropped her carry-on to the ground._

_He’d gone a few steps ahead of her and had to turn around and retrace his steps. It gave her time to formulate what she wanted to say._

_But_ what _did she want to say? Her mouth suddenly went paper dry._

_It didn’t help that his indifferent, but friendly look was now gone, replaced with one of burning hope. What had she done?_

_He closed the distance between them, dropping her small suitcase and, instead, taking hold of each of her hands in his own._

_Morgan looked longingly into her eyes; she stood transfixed by all the emotions she’d seen the night before but hadn’t_ allowed _herself to_ really _see. Respect. Trust. Loyalty. Lust. But the one she’d blinded herself to most of all: Love._

_It wasn’t that he just wanted to try out a relationship with her. He loved her. And the look on his face said it all; he wanted her by his side forever._

_“I’ll wait for you!” he blurted out, giving her hands a little shake. “For as long as it takes. I’m not going to take no for an answer, not again. But, I won’t pressure you either. So, I’ll wait silently if I have to. All you need to know is that my feelings for you will never go away. I’m yours, Emily. Take me or leave me. They won’t change.”_

_She needed to say something, to respond. All her words from the night before were on the tip of her tongue._

_She took a deep breath to ready herself._

_But she had changed._

_“Good.” One word, one syllable to change the rest of her life._

_Morgan looked at her quizzically. “Good?” he repeated laughingly, out of obvious nervousness._

_She smiled then; she noticed the tense lines ease a bit on his face—they’d been there since last night. How could she have thought he was going along like normal?_

_“Yes, good,” she replied, giving his hands a reassuring squeeze. “I expect them to still be there when I come back for New Year’s, so you can take me out on our first date.”_

_His eyes lit up in wonder. Derek opened his mouth once, twice, and then, “Promise?”_

_“I promise,” she assured._

_He engulfed her in one of his famous big, bear hugs; she wasn’t a small woman but when he hugged her like that, on the few occasions he’d done so, she felt like the most important, most cherished woman in the world._

_They pulled apart slightly, arms around each other still. Emily felt she needed to say more._

_“I care about you, Derek. You were right,” she let him know. “I want the chance to find out just how much.”_

_It wasn’t a declaration of love; it was the truth, though. Emily wanted the chance for her feelings to blossom into love. As it were, she didn’t think it would take much. She already loved him as a friend._

_“You’ve got it, Emily,” Derek said enthusiastically. “Like I said, I will wait for as long as it takes. Forever, even.”_

_“Wow!” She shook with emotion. His words were pretty powerful._

_He laughed nervously. Almost unheard of for him. But done twice in their short conversation. She had a powerful effect on him. “And… I should probably tone it down, shouldn’t I? Before I scare you away.”_

_She shook her head, laughing too. “It’s ok. This is new for both of us.”_

_“Yeah, it is…”_

_He watched her in awe and she watched him, in awe of him being in awe of her._

_Why her? The thought crossed her mind several times already since yesterday. But she thought she might know why, now._

_Because she was his best friend and he hers. They knew each other in a way no one else ever could or would._

_“Uh… we should probably get going or you’ll miss your flight.”_

_Ah yes, her flight. Because even in this fairy-tale of a moment, life was still going on around them. And that fact frightened her._

_“We can do this,” he addressed her silent fear._

_She nodded with conviction. They could; if they both wanted this—and they both did—they could make it work._

_He smiled._

_  
Each of them lifted a bag into a hand, leaving the hand between their side-by-side bodies conspicuously free._

_As they began to walk towards Emily’s gate, she took his hand in hers._

_Change had to start somewhere_.

 

* * *

 

 

“Dear?”

 

She jumped in the air. Looking around the room, she suddenly remembered where she was. And the beeping of machines reminded her why she was there.

 

“Are you all right?”

 

Amarie was at her side, looking up at her with concern and an underlying wisdom.

 

“I’m… fine, just remembering…”

 

She moved away, replacing the chart. “Memories are powerful things. They remind us of what _and_ who is really important.”

 

They sure did.

 

“Hold onto this one. Good men don’t come around as often as we’d like.”

 

She’d take the woman’s advice whole-heartedly. It was time to make some important decisions in her fluid life. Some permanent ones. Starting with the huge decision to stop moving and stay put.

 

She pulled a chair to his bedside. Determined to sit there until Derek woke up or someone kicked her out. Whatever came first. All she knew was she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

 

“Hear that, Morgan, I’m not going anywhere,” she said breathlessly; saying the words out loud made it feel so real.

 

Morgan didn’t so much as twitch. But that was ok. She’d tell him again the minute he was awake.

 

Taking his bigger hand in hers, she held on for dear life.

 

* * *

 

 

Hope you all enjoyed! Let me know what you think!

 

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: Guest#1; RatherBeAWriter; Frenzy cmfan; Daisyangel; Guest#2; ddubgirl; Lexie4MP and Guest#3.

 

Thanks for reading!

**The 2014 PROFILER'S CHOICE CRIMINAL MINDS FANFIC AWARDS Final Ballot is up! Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us in celebrating the best of the best CM stories nominated by you, the readers! Let your voices be heard. Please check out the Final Ballot and rules at the** [ **ProfilerChoiceAwards2014 Forum** ](https://www.fanfiction.net/forum/Profilers-Choice-Awards-2014/162134/) **(Direct Link also in my profile). All rules and information are on the forum. The Final round of voting ends February 16, 2015.**

 


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